The Devil’s Wish

It was during the year 1857 while on his way to the European continent that the Devil decided to make a stop in Ireland. The Eire was one of his favorites because no matter what direction you looked, there was always entertainment to be found. Beating the Irish when it came to colorful personalities was near impossible because even the most strait-laced were somewhat strange.

​The Devil had not been here in six years. The last time had been to supervise the potato famine which left had left a million people dead and another million emigrating to the United States. He would have never admitted this publicly, but he secretly felt like that one had gotten badly out of hand. That was always the problem with these sorts of things, once the rocks started rolling downhill, it was murder trying to keep it from becoming a rockslide.

​This visit, however, was occurring in what was shaping up to be a slow year. He could not say he was disappointed, like 1848, a year of revolutions for example. Actually, he had very little to do with those events but since many gave him the credit, he was more than happy to take it. He had spent so many years doing the deeds that it seemed right that he should now be able to sit back and enjoy the fruits of his labor.

​Humanity never ceased to surprise him. He had taught them a few things over these many thousands of years, but most of it was their own doing. You had to hand it to them, they were fast learners. Perhaps soon,they would not need him at all. The Devil was trying to figure out exactly what he was going to do this time when he came across an old man sitting in front of a cottage that had seen better days.

​“Good mornin’,” the Devil said.  

​The old man grunted in reply.

​The Devil sized up the old man up. He was maybe seventy, but looked younger, ten minutes younger.

​“Would you mind me askin’ how old you are?” asked the Devil, an idea beginning to percolate.

​“Old enough to know better, whatever it is,” the old man said in reply

​The Devil wondered if the old goat had been this way his whole life. Both formidable and obtuse, the Irish were usually fun. This particular one was simply annoying.

​“Well, whatever your age is kind sir,” said the Devil pushing forward, “I believe that it is a beautiful mornin’ so what would you say to me making it good for you?”

​“Goin’ to buy me a drink?” the old man asked.

​“No. I’m…”

​“Goin’ to clean my home?” the old man interrupted.

​“No. I’m going to…”

​“Then, what are you going to do?” asked the old man.

​The Devil clenched his fist. The insolence of this old coot talking over him. If he had wanted someone constantly interrupting him, he’d have taken a wife.

​“Will you let me finish?” the Devil asked as his aggravation starting to rise.

​“Alright,” said the old man.

​“Good,” the Devil said relieved. Up to this point, the old man had been making him work for it.

​“What if I make you younger?”

​“Why would you do that?” asked the old man.

​“You are getting on in years.”

​The old man scratched his beard then looked the Devil in the eye.​

“Does that offend you?”

“Of course not,” the Devil said.

“Then, why would you ask about my age?”

“It is noticeable.”

The old man thought about it, then said, “I suppose you’re right about that.”

“So, I’m right in assuming you want to be young again. Maybe a teenager perhaps, or even a young boy.”

“Why a young boy? Do you remember what that was like?”

The Devil closed his eyes. He could not remember it being this hard since he had tried to tempt Jesus in the desert.

“What does that have to do with anything?” he asked.

“I thought maybe you had forgotten what it was like to be a young boy. Being one was good, but it was never that good,” said the old man.

“A young adult perhaps?” the Devil urged.

“Really no better when I think about it. It was good, but still in the end, no easier than being a boy, just more responsibility.”

“Middle age then,” tried the Devil, “at least that way you would regain some of your youth while also keeping the wisdom you’ve gained.”

“Those years were no easier than the rest,” said the old man.

“Then, what damned age do you wish to be?!” the Devil shouted at the end of his patience.

“What’s wrong with this one?” asked the old man not raising his voice. “Being younger wasn’t any idea of mine. Besides one age is about the same as another when you think About it.”

The Devil’s face began to redden.

“This is ridiculous. I never remember having to put so much work into one person before,” the Devil said.

“Maybe you’ve never tried,” replied the old man.

“That’s it. I’ve changed my mind. This isn’t worth it to me at all. I will not grant you a wish.”

“Then I haven’t lost anything,” said the old man.

The Devil grinded his teeth walking away, determined to do everything in his power to see that the old man did not end up in Hell. Eternity with him would have been his own punishment.

The Devil wandered down the road trying to find away to make something positive from the day. The old man had actually succeeded in giving he, the Lord of Darkness, a headache. That was when he came across a pleasant looking cottage that had been kept up rather well. He soon saw why. A plain looking woman appeared wearing a face that could turn fresh milk souremerged from inside. It was easy to see that this was a tough-minded type who liked everything her own way. Making a nuisance of himself should be fun. It could not be worse than the old man he decided.

“Good mornin’,” said the Devil.

“There’s nothing good about it and there hasn’t been in years,” the woman said.

“And how many years is that?” asked the Devil. Just because the same offer had not worked on the old man, he was confident it would here.

​“Who’s counting? One’s about the same as any other,” the woman said.

​“It can’t be that bad,” said the Devil.

​“Yes, it can.”

​“What if I could make things better for you?”

​The woman looked at him with a jaundiced eye, thought about it, then asked how.

​“I will grant you one wish,” he said.

​“One wish?” said the woman, “what are you some sort of leprechaun?”

​The Devil smiled.

​“In a manner of speaking.”

​The woman thought over his proposal, then asked, “you can really grant me one wish?”

​“Yes,” the Devil smiled, this was the moment he had been waiting for. The Devil’s granted wishes never came without consequences.

​“Anything?”

​“Anything at all. Just make the wish and find out”

​“Since I don’t believe in leprechauns or genies or whatever you are, I wish you would go away and leave me alone.”

​The Devil had not expected this and landed back on his Hellish throne with a loud plop. At first, he was annoyed, then a wide grin spread slowly across his face, followed by laughing and the shaking of his head. It seemed that the world had learned some new tricks. He had taught them well. Before it was over, mankind might be able to show him a thing or two. He was going to have to work to keep up from now on.

​“There’s nuthin’ good about it and hasn’t been for years,” said the old woman.

​“How many years is that?” he asked.

​“Who’s countin? One’s the same as any other.”

​“Is it really that bad?” the Devil asked an idea beginning to percolate.

​“Yes,” said the old woman.​

​“What if I tried to make it better?”

​The old woman looked at him cynically giving no response.

​“I will grant you a wish,” said the Devil.

​“A wish? What are you a leprechaun?” replied the old woman.

​The Devil smiled, “In a manner of speaking,” he said.

​The woman thought it over, the said, “You can really grant a wish?”

​“Yes,” said the Devil. This was the moment he had been waiting for, grant her wish without telling her the terms, which always ended in misery.

​“Anything I want?”

​“Anything at all. Jusat make a wish and find out,” said the Devil with a large smile on his face.

​“Ewell,” said the old woman, “since I don’t believe in leprechaun’s or genie’s or whatever you are. I wish that you would go away and leave me alone.”

​He Devil who had not expected this found himself back in Hell. At first he was annoyed with himself for having been taken but then he began laughing and shook his head. The world had learned even more than he had thought and had now shown him a trick. He had taught them well and who knew? Before it was over they might even surpass him.

​He was going to have to work to keep up with them from now on.